Saturday, December 14, 2013

'Tis the Season

for getting back on track! At least, that is the challenge I am setting for myself for the next month and a half.

This is not the case for most people, as the holiday season tends to be a time filled with so many tantalizing, scandalous food choices at all hours of the day. Food, fun, friends, and family seem to all walk hand and hand, making it especially difficult for those of us who eat for emotional reasons.

Since it IS a time full of lots of activities, however, I have decided that this is the best time to work on eating for fuel instead of using it as a coping strategy. This year I have been living a pretty lonely existence with a brand new job in a place far away from my support network, but over the holidays I will have support and more options of ways to entertain/distract/sooth myself when I feel the desire to eat for reasons other than being physically hungry.

This is not going to be an easy task, but I'm ready to start right now. I don't want to let one more year go by thinking, "Man, if I had only stuck with it LAST year, I'd be in such a healthier place right now!" The thought has already crossed my mind this December a couple of times, and I'm really frustrated about it, but the only thing I can do now is get back on track with my journey.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013


What a more fitting title! I have officially relaunched "Project: Bucket List", and am excited to be back. Some may call it foolish that I have reset my blog, but it is a way for me to start fresh, clean, and not beat myself up over past struggles. After all, I am doing this for one reason: to DO life, instead of WATCH life while living vicariously through other people.

I have read so many amazing blogs about people who have done this. Although I know it's incredibly hard, I also know that it can be done, and I want to be the one who beats the statistics that seem to constantly tell me to quit. They strengthen the nasty voice inside my head that says, "Well, you're not strong enough to beat this, you will always be grossly obese, so why even try?" It's time to really believe in myself, and to get behind myself just as I would give my very best if a friend was in my same situation.

I think my new plan will be a very evolving one, but in order to reach my ultimate goals, I know I need to achieve the following:

1. I need to separate enjoyment from food. At least for a long time. Looking back on my life, food has always been my biggest coping strategy, entertainment, and company, and so I think breaking this huge bond is going to be a major building block to help me reach my goals.

2. I need to get and keep myself busy! Nothing says "MINDLESSLY EAT TONS OF FOOD" like sitting alone watching tv or surfing the internet, so I need to rediscover things I enjoy.

3. With these hobbies, or in other ways, I need to find success and build up my self-confidence, self-love, and self-confidence with the proof that I am capable of doing amazing things. How am I supposed to believe that I can loose a great deal of weight if I struggle to achieve much smaller goals. I also need to recognize that, aside from weight loss goals, I need to acknowledge the fact that I have done great things already, and give myself credit for these things.

4. I need to get comfortable in my own skin. NOW. There are many reminders to us morbidly obese people that we are not the "correct" shape or size to fit in society, but I need to stop using my body as an excuse to avoid going out and living right now. I've heard so many times that while massive weight loss is awesome, it doesn't cure everything, and so I know it is important that I start learning to be comfortable in my own skin now, and not wait until the scale hits that magic number.

So that's my plan right now. It still needs polishing, the details sketched in and the ideas finessed, but for a start, it'll do!